Many people think of exercising as working out. This is not far off because, throughout our days and lives, we are constantly taking in energy, and a lot of times, we have to find a way to work it out so we can feel more at peace.
I remember a time when I was up late one night in my “non-living” art studio that I lived in. It was a raggedy old place, but it met my needs for an art studio. As far as living was concerned, it was a stretch. It was a stretch to the studio across the hall to use the toilet and sink. It was a stretch of a few blocks so I could shower at the gym. Outside of the living obstacles, the one-hundred-year-old room felt like the right place for me. I needed a place to put out all of the energy I had taken in. For example, in the months before this late night, my dad died of cancer, followed by my daughter’s mother breaking off our engagement and my being forced to move out, in addition to all of the other trivial dramas thirty-year-old men face. So I just needed a safe place to put my love and pain, and this studio and my art ended up being this place.
For months, I would use the materials I discovered for my photographs, and I sculpted a frame for each photo. I exercised using wood, plaster, iron, paint, glue, glass, aluminum, vinyl, rubber, tar, and all that I got my hands on, until this night came. I took a deep breath as I stroked my dog's head and looked around the studio. My job was done, and the work was completed. Although I felt somewhat helpless and empty, maybe this feeling was what I was aiming for if I were to get the energy out of my system. As I attempted to sleep on the beat up old brown couch, my little voice or “sixth sense” said, “Photograph the work… now.” I listened and stayed up until sunrise with an unknown urgency, taking shot after shot, leaving just a few shots left in the roll.
I thought, “Now I can rest without an ounce of energy left in me.” I dropped back on the couch. A moment of silence passed and then Luke, my dog, rushed to the window as a thunderous roar was heard. I darted towards the window, looked out, and there was a huge hole in the building just a few blocks away from my studio. I was speechless. My dog was panicked. I said to myself, “Maybe I’ve fallen back asleep, and I’m dreaming.” To try and reassure myself that I was not sleeping, I picked up my camera, went out on the fire escape, and took a few shots of this hole. When I heard another roar, I was assured. This was no dream. An airplane had crashed into the building next to the other burning building. Now, in the months that followed, I was being served more and more energy that I needed to get rid of (or exercise), whether it was the few thousand people I witnessed die or now my mother struggling with cancer.
I later reflected that maybe the cause of these two events — my mom dying of cancer and the attacks of 9/11 — was the result of the same thing. Perhaps someone could not find the right place or right way to exercise the energy in his or her system. For my mom, it became clear that she did not work out many emotional factors, and I feel it destroyed her on the inside. As for 9/11, I think many failed at working out their wars on the inside, and thus it destroyed others on the outside. Either way, someone did not feel there was a safe place in which to work out his or her love and pain.
There are countless ways to work out the energy we naturally cannot get rid of. The key is finding an “exercise” that is both beneficial and not detrimental to ourselves and others
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