Awareness

The first spoke on the wheel of the “A’s” is to be aware of what is happening and what is needed. But becoming aware takes more than just understanding the external elements. It also takes reflecting on what you might have learned from your past and what is at stake in the present.

As I laid in bed in the intensive care unit, I did my best to become aware of how I was eating, exercising, and sleeping. Eating was not happening, as I could not keep any food down. As for exercising, it was only (understandably) mental (if that’s possible). As for sleeping, even that was hard in the midst of tubes, wires, beeps, and constant monitoring. (Many times, it seemed to only be just me and this “button” for the nurse.) Yet I thought, “Maybe if I exercise my mind and get to a peaceful state, I could get some rejuvenating rest.” This was not as easy as it was in my past days of prayer and meditation. Here I was on all kinds of drugs to kill the pain. It seemed like the painkillers were making it to harder to use my mind. If I wanted to make an adjustment, I would have to deal with a little more pain in hopes of gaining more control over my mind.

With many of the relationships we might be “working on,” be it with ourselves or others, there will be times when we’ll be doing things that we “don’t like.” I think why many keep moving forward is that they’re able to see the bigger picture of “why” and what is at stake. Many times in my own past, I have avoided a lot of “why” questions that were squeaking from the first spoke on the wheel of the “A’s.” As a result, when the wheel turned to the next spoke of “adjustment,” I would lose my balance.